Disclaimer: Binge watching louie so kindly pardon the cynicism.
My recent hatred is towards people who are so happy about their lives. Like they’ve accomplished everything in this world and the only thing left for them is to die. People who love their life so much that they make others with not so lovely lives feel like shit about their lives. People who keep fake bitching about all the attention they get. I loathe those kind of people. I loathe them so much as they make me think that I want to be like them. I don’t want to be so satisfied with everything like them but I hate it when they make me think I want that.
Couple of days back I was travelling in a cab with this driver who clearly likes his job so much. He was so professional and was treating me like a king. On the way to my house he missed a turn. He felt devastated by this. This was a cab driver, who didn’t even have the slightest idea of the place I live in, was devastated by missing a turn which he didn’t even know he was supposed to take. I was the one who should be telling him about the turns. I was the one who missed the turn actually but he felt like shit as he wasn’t able to do his job to perfection. He even gave me a concession in the bill when he dropped me off. And I was standing there thinking I wouldn’t even give a damn even if my computer didn’t work for one whole day and I get paid for just visiting my office and eating junk food in the cafeteria. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t do any work for one whole month as long as get paid and this cab driver volunteers himself to reduce his pay for doing something wrong that he is not even responsible for. What am I doing with my life?
For people who have seen mayakkam enna would remember this epic scene before the interval with dhanush and richa in a bus stand. Dhanush would be crying as his mentor rejected his work and richa would envy dhanush for doing something that he actually loves and she couldn’t. That scene is on my list of scenes which makes me slap myself every time I watch. Richa clearly earns more than dhanush. She is beautiful and can get anybody she wants. This rich beautiful girl who has all the things that are needed to be satisfied with her life envies a good-for-nothing photographer just because he has figured out something that he loves and has also got the chance to pursue it as a career.
I’ve always wondered why is it so difficult to know what you love to do. Everybody seems to have figured it out. Someone likes cooking. Someone likes gardening. Someone likes teaching. Here I am sitting and doing nothing. Is it something that you just kind of know all of a sudden or you have a list of things that you might love and pick one from them to do for a living or something else? I’ve never figured it out. Do people who say they do what they love for a living actually do so or they are just saying that because it is cool? Are they actually doing what they love or they just started loving whatever they got to do?
Why am I feeling bad about not knowing something that might not even exist? Why can’t I just compare myself with someone similar to me and feel good about my life? Why am I even comparing myself to others? Didn’t I grow up asking people to not compare my marks with the neighbourhood kid? Why should I feel jealous about other peoples’ lives when I have my own life to take care about? Should I just wait for everything to fall in place? Should I start working on figuring out what I love? Should I start working on trying to love what I do? Should I just follow some successful path since it is easier? Whom am I asking these questions to? Why is life so complicated?
Okay so what are you trying to say?
Nothing. Just rambling something.
What do you mean nothing? I just spent 5 minutes in my life to read this piece of shit. You owe me something in return.
What? You really read this expecting to get some insightful advice? From me? Really?
I’m just saying you can’t just write something this depressing and not end it with a positive note.
Yeah even I hope to see that note soon.
I’m never reading anything you write hereafter.
Okay maybe this calvin strip might cheer you up.