Every one knows the easy way. Score less marks — Become ineligible for placements. If you are one of “Dei inga oru ratha aare odittu irukku anga yaarume illatha kadaila yaarukku da tea aathara?” guys or if you are studying ICT in SASTRA (in rare cases IT may also be included), follow the simple rules stated below.
The first talent that you must develop is ‘The Art Of Saying No” and this should start as early as possible. When your parents ask if you want to join in a school that is not in your locality, you say no. When they ask you if you want to join Karate class, you say no. When they ask if you want to participate in any extra curricular activities like lemon in the spoon and musical chair during Shiva Rathiri celebrations in your association, you say no. Basically anything that might acquire you a certificate must be strictly avoided.
Follow the wise words of Homer Simpson. “Without TV, it is hard to know when one day ends and another begins”. Get Airtel Digital TV or at least a set-top box. Schedule your bowel movements during Maanada Mayilada and Sirippu Logam. If Vijay TV shows Sneha and Prasanna’s grandparent’s neice’s daughter’s age-attending function during that time, even your bowel can wait. After all these things, if you find any free time, if your parent’s are home, if your internet is down and if you have watched every single movie and serial in your hard disk, do something productive.
“There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep” — Homer Simpson. “Sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye, steal me awhile from mine own company” — William Shakespeare. “Oh sleep! It is a gentle thing, Beloved from pole to pole” — Samuel Taylor Coleridge. “Sleep, that deplorable curtailment of the joy of life” — Virginia Woolf. “Sleep is the best meditation” — Dalai Lama. I hope you get the point.
Get your parents to buy you a laptop as soon as you join your college. Blackmail them by saying that you will uninstall Internet Explorer from the Desktop. If you can’t afford one, go and join any arts college. According to Maanavar Munnettra thittam, Govt. of Tamil Nadu is providing Laptops with Jayalalitha’s face as non-changeable wallpaper. Even if the laptop fails it to fulfill purpose of this blog post, the wallpaper surely will. Getting an external Hard Disk will increase the odds in your side.
Forget there are any clubs or sports in your College. If you are in hostel, never leave your room expect for classes and other daily essential activities. As stated earlier, all extra curricular activities must be strictly avoided. Avoid staying in single rooms. Studies have proved that 80% of people who stay in single room get placed. Though you take every step carefully, why take risk? Stay in a four in one room in a hostel which has common bathroom (Increases your chances of being late for interview).
Your friends play an important role in your placements. Choose your friends and room mates carefully. Make sure none of them have the capability of getting placed before you do. If someone close to you gets placed before you, ‘The eye of the tiger” soundtrack will be played in the background and there are 50% chances that you might get placed in the very next company.
Be like Shruthi Haasan from 7aan Arivu. Have “Innoru vaartha avana Thamizha korangu nu solla sollunga, apdiye vayila onnu kuduppen” as your motto. Treat English as your mortal enemy. Every time it tries to come near you run to galaxies far far away. Even a pint of English knowledge may lead to catastrophic results.
Be the guy who treats 5 minutes a 2 hours. If your friends organize a party, be the one who arrives the last. If a professor allows late comers, utilize the opportunity to the fullest. In simple words, never be punctual. Even if the above points fail you, this quality has never failed anyone from not getting a job.
When someone you know gets placed, abuse him as much as possible. Get everyone to hate you. Think that you are the greatest in the world. Be like Sheldon Cooper. Treat every one around you as low-lives. No one deserves to get placed before you do. This takes your confidence to the lowest level there is. Even if you manage to clear the initial rounds, there are 100% possibility that you will fail in the final one-to-one interview.
Some geniuses may ask “Can’t we just skip the interview instead of taking this hard route?”. Just remember that there are some companies who get the students’ records from universities and select some random thousands of people from them. Even if by chance you get into companies like those, it is these qualities that you have developed will save you from not surviving in them for more than a month.
So you have successfully graduated without getting placed. Now is the hard part. You will be bombarded with questions from every single soul you meet. You will be seen as a threat to the society. You will be branded as Danda soru. You will lose all the respect that you had even from your parents. Now is the time to say the one thing that might save you from all the embarrassment.
I’m following my dreams da.